A bit depressing. Just a warning.
Some of you have asked me to send an update about my dad. – about my old dad. – the one that’s married to my mom. My hope was to be quiet about it long enough for things to heal. My hope was that as autumn came and holidays got closer, there would be some magical change. But that didn’t happen.
A few months ago my mom asked me what my plans were for the holidays. The question was painful enough because I’ve never (except 1x in Denever) spent any portion of the holidays without my family. But I also realized she was trying to find her easiest path. If, by chance, I was planning on being away for the holidays, she wouldn’t have to plan around it. I told her I’d be here and waited for her to say, “I guess I’ll have to talk to your dad.”
She did. She talked to him about my nephew’s upcoming Sweet 16, Thanksgiving, my birthday, the family Christmas party and Christmas Day. Because I would be attending all of the events, he would be spending them alone at the cabin. And as the events of the season started, he stayed true to form. He missed my nephew’s party. He missed Thanksgiving. And he didn’t call on my birthday. Unbelievable.
His relationship with my mom is basically the same though. My mom no longer goes to the cabin on the weekends but their weeks still move relatively smoothly. He still takes jabs at her and she still puts up with it. I’m not sure what the larger plan is because it changes all the time. I’m not even sure what I’d want it to look like at this point.
Having her home on the weekends has been nice. I’m able to go home and hang out in my house. Glory gets to see her Baba more often too. (my mom) Last Saturday night she even had a sleepover – first time in months! My dad usually stays at the cabin until noon or so but, oddly enough, he came home early Sunday morning. My mom was so excited that he was going to see Glory – she even took a picture and was “excited” to show me & Cristy. She said that when Glory saw him, she ran to him yelling, “papa!” I suppose that could be true. She hasn’t seem him in 8 months but I suppose she could remember him. Yes?
Uh. This is where I need advice from all you smarty pants who know me better than I do sometimes. He’s a jerk, no doubt. But his relationship with Glory, up until 8 months ago, was really sweet. On the other hand, if he’s saying I’m no longer his daughter, can she still be his grandaughter? He still talks to people about her as if he still knows her but he longer talks about me. My first instinct is to be mad that my mom allowed them to see eachother – be MAD that my “dad” thinks he can have it both ways – and just be mad & hurt that it’s really not going to change. Will she grow up thinking of him as the husband of her grandma or will he always be her papa? Thoughts?
Cristy is far more angry than I am but I think it’s more of her protective nature for me. She’s saying that Glory can’t stay there any more because we can’t know if she’ll keep Glory protected from seeing my dad. And she has a point. When we went there on Father’s Day, trying to make peace, he basically ran us out of the driveway – swearing in front of the kids, etc. It was awful. We have no reason to think he won’t behave badly in front of Glory.
Anyway, it’s a lot. If you have anything to add, please feel free.