Adoption as an Option

I’ll never forget the leap from ttc to adoption.  And as much as I could not be more grateful for Glory, I still remember every piece of ache I felt, wanting the be pregnant.

I started trying 10 years ago.  My first thought about that is that I could also have a 9 yo child right now.  & almost every age between 9 and 3. How crazy is that?  Six years of my life (almost) dedicated to trying to conceive.

If you read my last blog, you know my biggest need for a biological child was just the “legal” part.  Having the experience of losing a child simply because we weren’t biologically related was a painful lesson.  And with the laws in this state, nothing felt safe enough.

I tried.  God knows I did.  With my ex and then with Cristy.  I was on some kind of fertility medication for years upon years upon years.  I failed in a big way and I’m certain I wasn’t the best partner during any of it.

After 17 IUI’s, 8 home insems and 2 failed IVF’s, I had enough.  Sort of.  Cristy had been ready to move on much earlier but gave me the space to come to my own decision.  I had OHSS during both IVF’s and could’ve died the first time.  After the 2nd, my doctor told me he couldn’t treat me anymore and wouldn’t allow me to try another round.  Looking back, I can’t believe I put my body through all that. I even wonder what kind of impact those drugs will have on my life as I get older – but that’s not the point.

The point is, I’ve been reading some ttc blogs lately – the kind where they’ve been trying forever.  And living in 2ww’s are about killing them.  I get it.  So many of us do.  But I guess I just wanted to say that adoption saved me from those years of feeling like I couldn’t get it right.  I know it’s not an option for everyone.  I know it’s expensive.  Our agency was anywhere from $16K – $40K.  The average wait (depending on the child you’re waiting for) is the same time as a pregnancy.  I took us about 8 months from start to “Glory”, literally.

I would just tell you that your child will arrive one way or another.  And I promise that once (s)he comes, you’ll know they arrived exactly the way they were supposed to.  I really believe that.  Giving birth still seems magical to me.  And sometimes I still see those big belly’s and wish I knew that sort of feeling.  But she is what I wanted most.

My healthy, happy, tall, dark & lovely – adopted – baby girl.


6 comments on “Adoption as an Option

  1. Amanda says:

    So beautiful! I wish, really have always wanted, adoption to be an option for us, but unfortunately it seems not to be. The expense and laws in our state just make it way to risky for us to handle. I do look to you, and Glory, for inspiration from time to time though….those big soulful brown eyes would make ANYONE want one just like her 🙂

  2. And will you be wanting another soon 🙂

    It’s not just you needing her, but that sweet little person needed you too !

  3. Stacey says:

    Nice post. I agree with K.

    Is it ever free if you go with the public system? That might be an option for folks not wanting to pay big bucks. We’re adopting through our public system (not necessarily an infant though) and it’s all free including the training and home study.

  4. Keri says:

    We can only adopt in Utah if we’re single. If you’re in an unmarried relationship, you can’t go thru the system. Dumb, I know.

    • Stacey says:

      Sounds like the rules in other countries. We wanted to adopt from Haiti, for instance, but can’t because we’re gay. But even then, single men can’t adopt but single women can. And married couples need to be married for 10 years. It’s all so ridiculous.

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