I’ll never forget the leap from ttc to adoption. And as much as I could not be more grateful for Glory, I still remember every piece of ache I felt, wanting the be pregnant.
I started trying 10 years ago. My first thought about that is that I could also have a 9 yo child right now. & almost every age between 9 and 3. How crazy is that? Six years of my life (almost) dedicated to trying to conceive.
If you read my last blog, you know my biggest need for a biological child was just the “legal” part. Having the experience of losing a child simply because we weren’t biologically related was a painful lesson. And with the laws in this state, nothing felt safe enough.
I tried. God knows I did. With my ex and then with Cristy. I was on some kind of fertility medication for years upon years upon years. I failed in a big way and I’m certain I wasn’t the best partner during any of it.
After 17 IUI’s, 8 home insems and 2 failed IVF’s, I had enough. Sort of. Cristy had been ready to move on much earlier but gave me the space to come to my own decision. I had OHSS during both IVF’s and could’ve died the first time. After the 2nd, my doctor told me he couldn’t treat me anymore and wouldn’t allow me to try another round. Looking back, I can’t believe I put my body through all that. I even wonder what kind of impact those drugs will have on my life as I get older – but that’s not the point.
The point is, I’ve been reading some ttc blogs lately – the kind where they’ve been trying forever. And living in 2ww’s are about killing them. I get it. So many of us do. But I guess I just wanted to say that adoption saved me from those years of feeling like I couldn’t get it right. I know it’s not an option for everyone. I know it’s expensive. Our agency was anywhere from $16K – $40K. The average wait (depending on the child you’re waiting for) is the same time as a pregnancy. I took us about 8 months from start to “Glory”, literally.
I would just tell you that your child will arrive one way or another. And I promise that once (s)he comes, you’ll know they arrived exactly the way they were supposed to. I really believe that. Giving birth still seems magical to me. And sometimes I still see those big belly’s and wish I knew that sort of feeling. But she is what I wanted most.
My healthy, happy, tall, dark & lovely – adopted – baby girl.