I know I don’t write about this as often as I used to but c’mon, as long as it’s happening…
I met with another mom on Saturday morning. She has a 5 yo son but hasn’t seen him in 4 months. It’s one of those stories where they haven’t been together in a very long time but worked it out, none the less. Things were going well but then a new girl enters the picture and everything changes. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve heard this same thing. & it’s not the first time I’ve been asked what to do, who to talk to, how to breathe, etc. But it sure brings it all back for me every.single.time.
He’s five! He’s known her his whole life! He doesn’t care why you don’t get along anymore or that you have a new girlfriend. He probably loves her – just like you do. But if you think he won’t remember, you’re wrong. If you think there won’t be a day where you’re (both) going to have to explain it, you’re wrong.
All over the country there are cases just like this. We’re waiting on rulings in Florida, Colorado, New York, New Mexico – just to name a few. One by one, courts are finding just how terrible this disruption is on the children. One by one, these kids are growing up – learning about the loss.
What can we do about it? Seriously, give me some ideas. How do we get ahead of this so when you’re put in the position of being able to do it, you re-think it? I feel like there must be a thousand things we’re not thinking of. I feel like, if I could tell this mom of my situation now… the terrible regrets thru it, she may soften and change her mind.
I can sit with this mom who’s trying to live without her son. I can tell her how to take care of herself – how to prepare herself for the long-haul but also how to prepare for every morning. I can be available to her when just breathing is hard or when her mind is going so fast with ideas. But not him. He’s five. & there’s no way it can be explained to him.