Time for a Cool Change

That’s a song.  I don’t remember who sings it.  I heard it some time in the 90’s and thought it was new.  I was staying in a little polygamist town and even tho the boys & girls weren’t supposed to hang out, we’d find time to sneak to the “sticks” and listen to music the kids brought.  I wonder, still, where they got it and even more … where they hid it.  But either way, that’s where I learned of this band and Styx.  If you don’t know it.  Look it up.  Or maybe, if you’re lucky, and my baby isn’t on m lap by the time I’m finished blogging, I’ll link it.  I still things it’s one of the most fantastic songs ever.

Anyway, whew!  That was a really long intro to talking about something that has absolutely nothing to do with that story.

So, incase you weren’t a reader of my last blog, I’m creepy when it comes to organization.  I’m creepy when to the order of things – routine.  As you know, my sweet family has been put through the ringer over the last year.  The 23rd of the month marks 1 full year since I’ve talked to my dad.  I think, with the marking of a year, I need to put some order around it all.

There’s no update from the last time I wrote about it.  I reached out – again.  He didn’t respond.  My mom is still waiting it out – hoping for the best.  My brother still doesn’t talk to my dad and he doesn’t see any of his grandkids, except Glory, when I (purposely) take her there every 2 weeks or so.

I’ve continued to take Glory there because I had hoped that their relationship would somehow link him back to his family.  It hasn’t.  & while Glory loves him, it’s become far too painful of a game.  Every time I drop her off, he goes to his bedroom.  I feel like my mom is rushing me in or out so it’s not so uncomfortable.  It feels bad and always leave crying.  Too much.

Time for a cool change.

No more purpose dates with him & my mom.  I’m sure she’ll still see him but it’s not going to be “just because”.  I’m also going to stop calling him dad.  That’s the hard one.  You can give me advice and tell me what you think but honestly, it hurts terribly to have this carved out place for him when he wants nothing to do with me.

Not long ago, I took my car to a place where he’s always taken our cars to be fixed.  I introduced myself as his daughter and I’m pretty sure she talked to him after I came in.  What did he way?  Did he tell her …”oh she WAS my daughter – for 40 years – but now she’s not”?  I don’t know.  It feels a bit dramatic but necessary.

So, RJ.  That’s what I’ll write when referring to him.

And if you want to hear this fantastic song, go here.  You’re welcome.

And today is their 42nd anniversary.


3 comments on “Time for a Cool Change

  1. Gordon says:

    Little River Band…and, I love you.

  2. Sounds like it’s time for a cool change. I LOVE that song.

    I’m sorry. I’m so proud of how you’ve handled all of this. You have been amazingly unselfish with your love and understanding Keri.

    oh. and I’m glad that you aren’t moving to Alaska or Idaho which is where my head went when reading the title.

  3. Jacqui says:

    Life never stops throwing curveballs. I am sorry you have to be the adult in this situation. He is and will always be your Dad, even if he is placing blame and anger on you…he is hurting too, and man o man is he stubborn. I hope and pray he will come to his senses…one day.

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