2 or 1 – update

So, funny story…

I wrote yesterday’s post last Friday – timing it to go out yesterday morning.  I wanted to get some good advice before I made a decision and I knew I’d get plenty.

Well, Saturday night, my family went out to celebrate my 16 yo nephew becoming an Eagle Scout.  (I could go on & on about how proud I am to call him mine)  But as we were finishing up dinner, I mentioned to everyone to “save the date for Glory’s party”.  I figured I’d get the date out there then have private conversations with them about it being the only party.  But sadly, it didn’t go like that.  My mom looked at me and asked who would be there and the world stopped turning.

The story goes from bad to worse and I’ll just sum it up by saying that both my mom & brother said they’d “never” come to a joint party.  We all said things we regret and stormed out of the restaurant without saying goodbye.

My heart was broken.

And it’s not because they didn’t want a joint party.  I knew they wouldn’t.  I guess I hoped that they would say they weren’t quite ready this year or just ask me to reconsider.  But “never” hit me hard and I just felt the whole world come down.  All my defenses went up because it’s Glory’s birthday – who loves them all so very much.  And I just felt (from them and me) that maybe everyone blames me a little bit – whether it’s spoken or not.  And it just hurts.

As soon as we left, I collapsed in tears.  The ugly kind.  I cried all the way home and then went on a drive just so I could scream a while – without Glory witnessing.  I got a text from my brother that night – telling me he loves me.  And reminding me that it’s up to us to put the pieces back together because no one is going to do it for us anyone.  They’re not strong enough.  My mom sent a text yesterday – saying that the pain is about a lot more than Glory’s birthday and she’s right.  Mostly, I need something to shift.  And to be honest, the little girl in me needs her to make something right.

My brother has also lost his dad.  But he didn’t get a new one.  He stood up to his dad and said, “you can’t abandon your children.  if Keri’s not your daughter, then I’m not your son.”  And they haven’t spoken since.  …over a year ago.

My mom and I spoke today.  She waited too long to give him a choice but once she did, he didn’t choose us.  They’re getting divorced.  It’s not what I want.  Just like having a joint party.  It’s so much more than that.

So while my post went out yesterday morning, the conversation had already taken place.  I hope it’s the start of … something.


8 comments on “2 or 1 – update

  1. Cris says:

    I am soooo sorry for you…however I can see all sides….your mother had another mans child and passed it off as her husbands for many years….then when it all came to a head your dad (your moms husband) must feel awful…..I feel bad for your bio dad, he got cheated out of your life and your step dad is now on the back burner and I know he is hurt and maybe he’s not handling it in the right way…….and as for your brother like you say you in turn got a new dad and family and he has nothing ……it has to hurt him to see you sooo happy with your new family and look at his family…again my heart breaks for you but again I can see all sides of this……hugs and kisses to you

    • Keri says:

      Thanks Cris. I appreciate you speaking to all sides. I’ve really tried to keep that in mind, while also hoping to move us forward somehow. Really, thanks for your input.

  2. Stacy says:

    Awwwwww man this blows. But as you said, the conversation has started and hopefully it will continue. *big hugs*

  3. kjandthekids says:

    Oh WOW ! That’ll teach you to schedule your posts. aye.
    Holy Shit Keri ! I just feel so damn bad. So bad that this is spiraling out of control and as much as I wish you could all slide down the sides of this spiral slide unharmed and excited to reach the unknown at the bottom….we all know that probably won’t happen.
    I do believe that your landing might still be filled with water and hidden treasures. like something out of Goonies 🙂
    I’m proud of your mom for taking this next step. I think that her husband has had his chance to be a grown up and act accordingly. If not with you (for obvious reasons) but to your brother and wife. And I would feel worse but his actions haven’t really spoken all that well for him before any of this bio non bio stuff went down.

    I am still absolutely heart broken for your little family. Your mom. Your brother.

    I will however, never say that this is your fault and will always be SUPER glad that your mom and yo dad got it on all those years ago. 🙂
    I can’t imagine a world without you in it. All that you’ve done. All of the lives you’ve touched.
    The stars aligned that night that you were conceived. Something much bigger than us all had plans in place.
    Pretty amazing I’d say. Something to celebrate for sure.

    • Keri says:

      I knew you’d make fun of my “forward” posts. I try to have a few in the bank just in case I’m super slacking. You too… no??
      And seriously, you are so sweet! Thanks for the love and the rally call around the situation. One day, I hope to have you meet all these names I talk about – since you have so much of the history and inside scoop of my life.
      Love you, KJ!

  4. raztaz says:

    Oh wow, it’s all coming to a head! I feel bad for you all too because your dad has really been so incredibly disappointing to everyone throughout it all. Maybe his choice to leave will help your mom and brother engage a bit. I’m sorry that it’s all still so painful for some of the people you love…

  5. Keri says:

    Thanks Amy. I still have high hopes that we’ll find our way.

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