So, funny story…
I wrote yesterday’s post last Friday – timing it to go out yesterday morning. I wanted to get some good advice before I made a decision and I knew I’d get plenty.
Well, Saturday night, my family went out to celebrate my 16 yo nephew becoming an Eagle Scout. (I could go on & on about how proud I am to call him mine) But as we were finishing up dinner, I mentioned to everyone to “save the date for Glory’s party”. I figured I’d get the date out there then have private conversations with them about it being the only party. But sadly, it didn’t go like that. My mom looked at me and asked who would be there and the world stopped turning.
The story goes from bad to worse and I’ll just sum it up by saying that both my mom & brother said they’d “never” come to a joint party. We all said things we regret and stormed out of the restaurant without saying goodbye.
My heart was broken.
And it’s not because they didn’t want a joint party. I knew they wouldn’t. I guess I hoped that they would say they weren’t quite ready this year or just ask me to reconsider. But “never” hit me hard and I just felt the whole world come down. All my defenses went up because it’s Glory’s birthday – who loves them all so very much. And I just felt (from them and me) that maybe everyone blames me a little bit – whether it’s spoken or not. And it just hurts.
As soon as we left, I collapsed in tears. The ugly kind. I cried all the way home and then went on a drive just so I could scream a while – without Glory witnessing. I got a text from my brother that night – telling me he loves me. And reminding me that it’s up to us to put the pieces back together because no one is going to do it for us anyone. They’re not strong enough. My mom sent a text yesterday – saying that the pain is about a lot more than Glory’s birthday and she’s right. Mostly, I need something to shift. And to be honest, the little girl in me needs her to make something right.
My brother has also lost his dad. But he didn’t get a new one. He stood up to his dad and said, “you can’t abandon your children. if Keri’s not your daughter, then I’m not your son.” And they haven’t spoken since. …over a year ago.
My mom and I spoke today. She waited too long to give him a choice but once she did, he didn’t choose us. They’re getting divorced. It’s not what I want. Just like having a joint party. It’s so much more than that.
So while my post went out yesterday morning, the conversation had already taken place. I hope it’s the start of … something.