Yeah, Baby!

So, I know every good lesbian has a crush on Jilli*n Michaels (Biggest Loser).  – except me.  She’s pretty.  She’s tough.  But she scares me and I’m just too fragile for that kind of girl.

Anyway, I read an article about a year ago where she spoke of wanting to adopt.  Turns out she was already in the process and waiting for her daughter.  A few weeks ago, she brought her home.  Seeing the photos brought tears to my eyes.  This magical little girl waited 2 years to come home to her moms.  (her other mom actually gave birth a week before she came home.  she met her new brother when she arrived.)

It got me thinking…why does it have to be so hard?  & it’s not just hard for me and my average income friends.  It’s even hard for mean, scary girls like Jillian and her partner.  There are all these children needing homes.  And all these parents needing their babies.  The solution seems clear to me so why can’t it be that easy?  I mean, these dating sites pop up and match people… sheesh!

Either way, should I somehow inherit $40K, I will have the answer.  Until then, congrats to a new mom – of 2!

 

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Adoption as an Option

I’ll never forget the leap from ttc to adoption.  And as much as I could not be more grateful for Glory, I still remember every piece of ache I felt, wanting the be pregnant.

I started trying 10 years ago.  My first thought about that is that I could also have a 9 yo child right now.  & almost every age between 9 and 3. How crazy is that?  Six years of my life (almost) dedicated to trying to conceive.

If you read my last blog, you know my biggest need for a biological child was just the “legal” part.  Having the experience of losing a child simply because we weren’t biologically related was a painful lesson.  And with the laws in this state, nothing felt safe enough.

I tried.  God knows I did.  With my ex and then with Cristy.  I was on some kind of fertility medication for years upon years upon years.  I failed in a big way and I’m certain I wasn’t the best partner during any of it.

After 17 IUI’s, 8 home insems and 2 failed IVF’s, I had enough.  Sort of.  Cristy had been ready to move on much earlier but gave me the space to come to my own decision.  I had OHSS during both IVF’s and could’ve died the first time.  After the 2nd, my doctor told me he couldn’t treat me anymore and wouldn’t allow me to try another round.  Looking back, I can’t believe I put my body through all that. I even wonder what kind of impact those drugs will have on my life as I get older – but that’s not the point.

The point is, I’ve been reading some ttc blogs lately – the kind where they’ve been trying forever.  And living in 2ww’s are about killing them.  I get it.  So many of us do.  But I guess I just wanted to say that adoption saved me from those years of feeling like I couldn’t get it right.  I know it’s not an option for everyone.  I know it’s expensive.  Our agency was anywhere from $16K – $40K.  The average wait (depending on the child you’re waiting for) is the same time as a pregnancy.  I took us about 8 months from start to “Glory”, literally.

I would just tell you that your child will arrive one way or another.  And I promise that once (s)he comes, you’ll know they arrived exactly the way they were supposed to.  I really believe that.  Giving birth still seems magical to me.  And sometimes I still see those big belly’s and wish I knew that sort of feeling.  But she is what I wanted most.

My healthy, happy, tall, dark & lovely – adopted – baby girl.

Adoption Day

So, November is National Adoption Month and I was asked to share our adoption story on my blog today.  The hope is to bring attention to the children in the world that need a home and to the blessing of the ability to adopt.

Adopting never really occured to me.  Well, that’s a lie.  I guess, when I was growing up, I used to tell my grandma and mom that I wouldn’t give birth but would just adopt all my babies. I suppose I wanted to grow up and be Brad Pitt.  But when I was old enough to really think of having children, adoption was never on the table.

The first time we ever talked about it was after our first failed IVF.  I had 17 unsuccessful IUI’s behind that and I think Cristy was ready to throw it in the mix of ideas.  Just as she thought, I threw it right out.

For a few different reasons, having a biological child meant something more to me.  I not only wanted to feel it but I also wanted a full, legal status as a parent.  Adopting felt uncertain to me.  The legal document still felt like … paper.

But after our 2nd failed IVF, I jumped ship.  I was told by my doctors that no doctor would ever try that on my body again – that I could go back to doing insems but that certainly hadn’t worked so well in the past.  It was enough of a “no” to shift my thinking and once that happened, my whole world opened up.  Just by being open to it, I knew – no matter what – I was about to be a mother.

We met with a couple of agencies throughout the process and were told that the average wait was about 9 months.  Ironic, right?  But it spoke true.  From our 1st meeting with one agency, 2 babies missed, and our last agency that brought my baby to me, it was almost exactly 9 months.

Meeting Glory was one of the best moments of my life.  No different, no more, no less of a miracle than meeting Gracie.  She came through the door, straight from her birthmoms belly.  One set of hands held her before me – just like before.  It was more than enough proof that I couldn’t love her any more than if I had known her the 9 months prior.  Because really, she had lived in my heart for many, many years.

The gift of Glory, from her birthmother, is the greatest gift I can imagine.  Adoption has filled me in every way I had dreamed.  After all the years of “trying” for her, all it took was She is ours and we are hers.