Seriously, thank you so very much for the love tonight. I could feel it. And all that advice came in very handy when I was feeling overwhelmed and over emotional.
I won’t bother you with all the drama but I can tell you I feel lighter and happier than I have in a long time. My mom talked about her fears and why she’s stayed so still for so long. But also that she’s tired of living in “punishment” mode. She told him she was ready to move on – hoping, of course, he’ll change his mind and move along with her. I won’t give up on that hope but she told us not to count on it anymore. My brother admitted he has misplaced anger toward my new family – knowing it doesn’t make sense but just feeling like it’s an easy place set blame for a while.
It was good to hear what they’re feeling. It was good to just spend time face to face with them. It was good to tell my mom how much I missed going home – just really miss spending time in her house. Since she told my dad, I haven’t been welcome there. If I go to drop off Glory of pick her up, he goes to his bedroom. I have to call before I arrive or, worse, honk. I still can’t believe how bad it is.
But I feel like we’re headed to a better place. We agreed to check in more often – just to talk about where we are. And in the meantime, get together like we used to. We still can’t meet at my mom’s but hopefully that will change.
Again, thank you. Fingers crossed for positive movement.
It’s tonight. After my rant (mostly that ugly cry that happens where I can’t speak and the pitch of my
voice sounds are bird like) my mom decided to schedule some time where we get it out. She & my brother are coming over here – because she was worried about us being in public.
It sounds worse than it is. I think I’ll cry. Well, I’m sure I’ll cry. I assume my brother won’t have many words but if I can see his face, I’ll know what he’s feeling. My mom actually has an “agenda” so I guess there won’t be time for awkward silence.
Wish me luck. Wish me strength.
And I also wanted to thank you. – for all your thoughts, emails & even phone calls. I’ve never experienced anything like this and I don’t know anyone else who has either. Your advice means a lot to me and reminds me to keep an open mind and be thoughtful about the feelings of those I love so much.
So, funny story…
I wrote yesterday’s post last Friday – timing it to go out yesterday morning. I wanted to get some good advice before I made a decision and I knew I’d get plenty.
Well, Saturday night, my family went out to celebrate my 16 yo nephew becoming an Eagle Scout. (I could go on & on about how proud I am to call him mine) But as we were finishing up dinner, I mentioned to everyone to “save the date for Glory’s party”. I figured I’d get the date out there then have private conversations with them about it being the only party. But sadly, it didn’t go like that. My mom looked at me and asked who would be there and the world stopped turning.
The story goes from bad to worse and I’ll just sum it up by saying that both my mom & brother said they’d “never” come to a joint party. We all said things we regret and stormed out of the restaurant without saying goodbye.
My heart was broken.
And it’s not because they didn’t want a joint party. I knew they wouldn’t. I guess I hoped that they would say they weren’t quite ready this year or just ask me to reconsider. But “never” hit me hard and I just felt the whole world come down. All my defenses went up because it’s Glory’s birthday – who loves them all so very much. And I just felt (from them and me) that maybe everyone blames me a little bit – whether it’s spoken or not. And it just hurts.
As soon as we left, I collapsed in tears. The ugly kind. I cried all the way home and then went on a drive just so I could scream a while – without Glory witnessing. I got a text from my brother that night – telling me he loves me. And reminding me that it’s up to us to put the pieces back together because no one is going to do it for us anyone. They’re not strong enough. My mom sent a text yesterday – saying that the pain is about a lot more than Glory’s birthday and she’s right. Mostly, I need something to shift. And to be honest, the little girl in me needs her to make something right.
My brother has also lost his dad. But he didn’t get a new one. He stood up to his dad and said, “you can’t abandon your children. if Keri’s not your daughter, then I’m not your son.” And they haven’t spoken since. …over a year ago.
My mom and I spoke today. She waited too long to give him a choice but once she did, he didn’t choose us. They’re getting divorced. It’s not what I want. Just like having a joint party. It’s so much more than that.
So while my post went out yesterday morning, the conversation had already taken place. I hope it’s the start of … something.
My baby girl is about to turn 3. I know, I’m just as shocked as you are. We’ll be heading to San Diego again in July so that’s where the majority if her celebration will take place. However, before we go, I’d like to celebrate with family.
Last year, around the time, the news of my “new family” was pretty new – atleast to my dad. (RJ) My mom was still panicked about the whole thing and my brother was beside himself – just trying to keep it together. It made perfect sense that we hold 2 seperate parties for Glory. One for my mom’s side & one for my dad’s.
This year, I’m unsure.
I’m blogging because I’m sure I have readers who come from split families. 50% of marriages end in divorce so surely some of you have had to deal with this kind of situation. What do you do? Do you seriously have 2 parties every year so your parents don’t have to see each other? Or do they play nice and comfy and make it work for the kids?
I’m not trying to be difficult and certainly don’t want to push anyone toward a place that feels uncomfortable. Honestly, 2 parties are hard to plan and because we’re leaving town so soon after, the timing is extra hard.
I’m considering planning one party, inviting everyone, and see who shows up. But I worry a whole portion of my family won’t.
Not you, US!
When figuring out what to get Glory for her THIRD birthday, I narrowed it down to a big girl bike, a playland or a trampoline. I love the idea of a playland in the yard but we spend so much time at the park, I’m not sure it would be that special. And a bike? Let’s be honest. She’s getting that no matter what. So it came down to the tramp.
She loves our local jump house and she loves jumping on the tramp at my cousins house. – although she’s only been there a few times. I did some research and figured out how much $$ I would need. But then, outa nowhere, I found a STEAL! $199, including the full enclosure! That’s about 1/2 of what I intended on spending. I got the “go ahead” from Cristy and bought it right up.
Glory got pretty antsy as it was being built. “Can I jump?” “Can I swing?” “Can I JUMP!!!” And sadly, she had to go to bed before it was finished. Cristy stayed outside until after 10:30, finishing up the threading that was pretty much the hardest part.
First thing this morning at 7:40am… “Can I go outside?” “Can I JUMP!!!!”
And now I can’t get her out of there. It currently has about 8 different stuffies in it – along with her favorite blankie. She just keeps going up stairs to get more “friends” to jump with. Fantastic!
Thanks for the recommendation, blog friends! You assured me that this decision would be the best one and you were absolutely right!
We’re not a big city and we don’t pretend to have a zillion dollar zoo but I’ll admit, I’m SO excited for our “new” zoo to open in THREE WEEKS!
They started the renovation about
70 3 years ago. Around that same time, someone killed our zebra’s. So we lost all the bears & zebra’s and a giant hunk of our park. But now… NOW it’s about to open with a ton more acreage – not to mention BEARS and SEALS and an entire underwater experience!
I renewed our membership the other day so if you’re looking for a fun day, I can get a guest in for free. Until I show you our fancy new digs, you’ll have to “bear” with my photos from the other day. 😉
How we measure up!